YUC LIFE
Take NAPS in the middle of the day in a HAMACA. (we call them siestas) Come and fall in love with TRANQUILO VIDA and dark-eyed Mayan lovelies. Find peace in the blazing sun. Enjoy the fresh Mangoes. Swim in an underground lake, a CENOTE, cool limestone ceilings and underground rivers. The sun is ALIVE down here and the wind off the Gulf in Progresso is always a refreshing counterpoint.
dog
hamaca-desk
- lizards everywhere
- Yucatan Customer Service Hall of Fame
- IGUANA CONDOS,
- MORNING THOUGHTS FROM MY BANANA TREE FILLED PORCH ...
- lluvia means rain
- CLICK THESE FOR MORE INFO
- ECONOMICA COMIDA
- MOTUL, BEST EGGS IN THE WORLD, CENOTE!!!!!
- WORDS TO KNOW
- THE LINGO GRINGO
- A Perfect Afternoonin the Yucatan.....
- YUCBIZ POST
- STAND UP COMIDA OPEN MIKE POETRY READING CASH PRIZ...
- other helpers in the yucatan!
- Making a report..
Friday, September 29, 2017
CAR STORY TWO
The witches cat-
Theres a tiny tiger cat in Mexico who used to live with a witch. A
Bruja. She ballooned with life these last few weeks. I looked ahead to joy of
tiny kitty feet and razor sharp teeth and the many joys of sharing a life with
purry pusses, plural. I have been having the most interesting conversations
with the three street cats who sleep in my house when it is raining. They are
mostly happy to be out of the elements and eating. On their best behavior. Like
when you visit you grandmother. On point. But every now and then, the little
onebruja's gatito gets a look. Cat focus, staring at something we humans cannot
see. Different wavelengths of energy, imperceptable to mere humans. This is the
trait that made the Egyptians hold kitties in such high esyeem. All you have to
do is take the time to talk to your cat in your dreams. They will tell you.
In the daytime cats mostly want to talk to you about food and how pretty
they are. Those are 'safe' topics for them to speak to you about. Other topics
can lead to trouble with the authorities, remember Salem? Cats do. It is not so
long ago, in cat years, that 'the man' hunted them and their allies. So they
are naturally reticent. The way my cat explains it, they had a lot of fun
running the world from the front, now they're going to mostly sit back and
observe. Pull strings from behind the curtain, cue fireballs, “the Great and
Powerful Kitty of Oz!.
Cats are big on long term plans. Did you know that both the the great
wall of china and the pyramids were cat entertainment projects? Watch the
special on CatTv, the bored kitty network. The special explains the
relationship between alpha cats and their human robots. All cats have the
potential to be alphas, but humans often do not want to give up the comtrol or
are too stupid to learn the special dream cat language that is necessary for
advanced cat craft. Humans call it witchcraft, but that is species bias. Anyone
who owns a cat knows who runs the show. Ask a scientist if you do not believe
me. There is a component in cat urine which compels humans to feed cats and
that element in the cat urine is the gateway drug to full mind control, like
you see with the cat that lives on the President of the United States head. Now
it starts to make sense, doesn't it?
Now that orange ball of fur has an extreme sense of humor. Cat humor,
cruel and vicious. The cat on Trump's head had a bad time in a previous life in
Mexico.
You can have a fine and loving relationship with countless kitties and
never know that they are magical portals at night. The sun does something to
their telepathic connection is my understanding. If a cat is perched on your
head however, or hidden in a witches hat, say, there is no limit to the
catmunication. All witches hats are designed for a cat comfort. Didn't you ever
see an architectual rendering cutaway view? What is your level of knowledge? Do
I really have to explain this all in detail to you or can you keep up?
I
am just learning to communicate with them now. It is eaasier now due to the
vibrational frequency of the sun, is the way the cat explained it to my dumb
human brain. Cats can be very impatient. They would rather nap. They are
running things. Maybe after a century of napping humans will wake up to the
glory of cat service. No skin off of the
kitty overlords nose. in terms I
understand. Cats use terms like magic and purrception but our human brains have
been taught to reject the magic in the world, even as this magic binds us in
it's invisible chains of repeated sounds. Hypnosis.
Now that we are in an era of cat dominance again, I have been chosen to
find story tellers to expLain the cat message of interdimensional harmony. With
a cat in the highest office in the country it is safe to come out of hiding.
Did you really believe that was a combover? It's a tiny orange kitty, the
cousin, or prima of my little Mexican witches kitty. The wall is being put up
because the kitties are bored and want to play and run and amuse themselves by
sitting on the highest objest around that their human minions are busily
constucting fo them. Cats are big on keeping their humans busy. Mine has me
typing this for her as well as stroking and scratching and removing her from
the kopulgd keyboard when she is bored. Cats get bored easily, even when things
are going exactly their way. Like over-caffienated English teachers who can't
stop nudging their kids who are finally writing.
Days when I shed blood please the sun. the cat acts as an intermediary,
a cosmic sun vibe pimp. Your sunburn is your pennance...
find and relace gun with gat ot
gatitto..same with duck for dog and YEAH THATS IT MY MISSION N LIFE YEA BABY!!!!!REPLACE GANGSTERS WITH KITTENS OH EFFING YEA.....
2NF CAT STORE EEE
The rockstars cat now lives in Wyomissing. She had to be rescued from my old Philadelphia apartment when my brother was thrown in jail. My other brother cut through the security bars on a ladder. I was already in Mexico at that time. This cat followed my sister Angel home. It was eating pizza out of a frat house dumpster when Angel spied it and talked to it soothingly. The cat played coy for a bit. Cats love to toy with the world. Hows that song go, “The world is a Cat Toy”? Cats just know. Cats choose you. This pregnant tiny thing saw Angel and used her to get her kitten into my parents barn where she feasts on squirrels and hisses at strangers. A watch cat. Sometimes cats choose you to torment you, sometimes they choose you to love you. Don't think for a second that your cat is accidently doing anything. Cats are running this, and have been since way before the Egyptians and their laws that no one should fuck with cats under penalty of death. Angel had asked me to keep the kitty because her rock star paramour was asthmatic and having trouble with the cute little kitty that loved to sleep on his chest. I needed company. Now mama lives in the good part of wyomissing and Barney of course is the king of the barn. Barney is huge.
Currently I am trying to counsel the little
furry terrorist that lives with me. Shes bi-polar I think, one moment licking
your calf and the next jabbing like a flyweight boxer, flailing at your leg
with long hooks to the body, left-right-left, hard enough to draw blood. That's
her job. Make sure the gringo bleeds. It is a variation of the noontime blood
sacrifice for the thristy local gods. She has served the local gods for
millenia in one form or another. They are still here, but less thirsty, it's
about respect. Symbolism. Fuck that wine, our Mexican gods demand the real
stuff. High test. So somehow I usually wind up bleeding every day in Mexico.
Gardening, swimming, housecleaning. I even managed to open up my thumb doing my
laundry the other day. The clotheslines they have here are multicolord plastic
strands, twisted together. You do not need clothes pins as you simply make a
space between the strands for a corner of you garment and poke it through the
hole. Sometimes the tension on the line makes this a struggle and if you keep
your thumbnails like I do they can be used to open up gashes. Or cut yourself
doing laundry. I always keep the thumbnails ready for action because you never
know. I am one mangled Spanish verb away from a street fight with one of the
multitudes of street drunks that line the sidewalks. There is a really
beautiful tradition here that the local women have of kicking their drunken men
to the curb. Literally. You are drunk, get out. It is a rare day when I do not
see a drunk kicked out of his house and sleeping it off in the shade on the
sidewalk outside HER house. When I first moved here I took pictures and put
them on one of my blogs. Then I noticed that it happens every day and isn't
that special. It's just one way of dealing with the heat.
My Mexican kitty tells me she was once incarnated as an Aztec priestess'
cat. She purrs when I bleed. She has eyes like you see on some exotic women in
certain corners of the universe. The ones that always seduced James T. Kirk.
There is also, obviously, a lizard behind her eyes from time to time. Like when
I bleed. Quetzacatal. Usually her eyes are round, but when the blood starts
flowing her eyes change to those of a snake and get vertical, with slits,
changing from their normal purply hue to a demonic yellow. It is freaky, but
the cat chose me. And she is a cute little purry puss, most of the time. Unless
she is trying to steer my dreams. Which is also kind of fun, but cat dreams are
dark, violent and blood drenched. Or really sexy. Or both.
Thats the charm of cats, you never know if in their previous incarnation
they served darkness or light. They sometimes play the long game with you,
enjoying your exquisite torture as they feed on your pain. But my current kitty
companion is a reformed evil kitty, although the promise she made to darkness
still requires she participate in daily bloodletting. A promise is a promise
and when you choose a life partner you can't decide you only like ninety-five percent
of her kitty cuteness. Like Sinatra sang, “..all or nothing at all, half a cat
has never appealed to me.” and besides the blood letting is just a tast these
days. Which is a relief. Having to have my beating heart ripped from my chest
and held to the sky would probably ruin the weekend for me. But gee-whiz,
golly, wow, that is still a pretty neat religion there. I will grant you that
the muslims who wait to circumsize their kids until the kids can talk is a
pretty interesting form of worship. Just yeaterday I had a National Geographic
picture out of a tiny blond Turkish boy, terrified, crying and covered in Lira.
He was holding his weiner though hs striped blue and white pants. I thought the
money was a nice touch. Teach the kids early that money is pain is blood and
fear. I may use that picture for a book cover. Maybe go to Turkey with my dad
and try to find the kid and ask him how things are. Thats a book proposal right
there, and it should be higher up in this text, but fuck it. I am not a
professional writer. I write for fun.
Hands down the coolest religious rite I have heard of is the Mayan heart
jawn. The incision was made just. below the rib cage with a razor sharp, highly
polished obsidian blade. A black gleaming instrument flashing in the noonday
sun. The priest would hold it up to the crowd who would roar like they do a a
NFL game when the death machines fly over head. Same concept, really. Look to
the sky and see the feathered serpent circling Texas Stadium! Hey look up at
the death gods! They want blood, Let's have a big round of applause for these
F-16's who are on their way to patrol the border and blast some immigrants into
bloody pulp. USA USA. What ceremony! Brandishing the blade, the crowd roars
before and as the priest is cutting a hand sized hole, then plunging his hand
under your rib cage, grabbing your heart for one beat and then and ripping it
out to before the next to show you and the crowd the your last ever heart beat.
Those guys sure had a great grip. And it was quite an honor to be the featured
sacrifice. You lived like a king for a year and went to lots of parties. The
mass deaths of prisoners when the drought came were not as full of ceremony.
Those deaths were a numbers thing as the gods were clearly displeased, Chac Mool,
rain god is thirsty, slake me baby slake me, yeah that's it.
But my kitty is a reformed black cat. In this incarnation she has a bib
of white on her tiny tiger coat. The bib of white symbolizes to other cats that
she is trying to work for the forces of light this time and the black tiger
stripes say she used to be a bad girl. We have an understanding. She is a purry
puss and the founding member of the too cool kitty club. Too cool for you, to
cool for school, too cool for Motul, but trapped here. Break the Motul bubble
with the alien language of English. Plan to see the world outside your village.
Or don't. I'm good. My hammock is right there and it's too hot for English,
ain't it?
Saturday, August 15, 2015
WHAT IS YUCLIFE???
Yuclife is a helping hand in a foreign country.
We have people.
Good people, good neighbors who are willing to help.
Yuclife is a community.
Yuclife started when I ran into Roger at the hardware store.
He was laughing at my Spanish.
Yuclife is a 4th of July barbeque with friends.
Yuclife knows people who can help you.
The problems are all the same here.
Sometimes the problems are Greedy Ex-pats who see you as their next paycheck.
There is a predatory class of Ex-pat here who just wants your money.
We aren't that type of ex-pat.
Ask around.
The Yuclife seal of approval is not for sale.
Yuclife will hook you up with people who charge a fair price for their services.
If there is a problem with someone we referred you to that's what the comments section is for.
Or give me a call at 999-100-75-98.
Day or night.
Yuclife does not sleep when there is work to do.
Join our tribe.
Friday, August 7, 2015
mexican hotties
the mall up the street is filled with perfect women
searching for the perfect plastic assesory
i frequently use the air-conditioning there
after an hour of walking in the sun
stinking
i see hottie whiplash all the time
they glance at me like you do at a traffic accident
frequently giggling, if a group
but then they over-correct
snapping their necks looking as far away from me as possible if i smile
i get it
but i guess that's a hidden cost of hottie-dom
i'm just smiling
hottie, don't hurt yourself
the neck brace place wants to hire me
Saturday, July 4, 2015
A WEEK IN THE JUNGLE
A wonderful friend is renting me a walled compound. It's like I am a Kennedy or something,
Three buildings, Five=seven years of growing landscape.
WELCOME TO JUNGLE!
I promised her a beautiful garden, but first I need to identify the plants and trees so I don't kill anything cool.One of the three buildings will be a special school for the things that they do not teach you in "regular" schools. Filling the gaps. Motivating the listless. One educator I spoke to referred to her afternoon class as a "DEN OF DIS-INTEREST." To be fair these kids come from a full day of intense schooling in their career fields and English is just something that makes you a more valuable commodity to future employers. Their parents are INSISITING that they take English. If this is the case, why can't we do HIGH INTEREST Engliish classes. is that the name? High Interest English, incorporated?
I spent the first few nights with no electricity .
more later
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